I can't get the events of yesterday's mall shooting in Omaha out of my mind. Maybe it is because I was just there a few weeks ago with my daughter and friends that I keep putting myself in that situation. Whatever would you do? Would I be smart enough to grab Avery and run. Would I be frozen still wondering what was going on around me? Who knows, I guess until you are in that situation (Which I pray I never am), I will not have a clue how I'd react.
God has a plan for every single one of us. It amazes me that He has known all along that those people would lose their lives on that day, in that store. It is also my belief that something good will come from this but right now I think however could that be true? sigh.
I battle with depression sometimes. I know what it feels like to think that you are a huge burden on all of society, even your own friends and family. To feel that the world would be better off without you in it. I have felt like that so many times. I have wanted to crawl in a really deep hole and never come out....or drive to the "edge of the earth" and very calmly fall off. I am a Christian and have faith in Christ and STILL there have been times when I felt like there was no other way out of the pain than to take my own life. Thankfully I've always come to my senses and now that I have Avery I always realize that she is the reason why I have to go on, despite how I might feel at that moment.
With that said, I cannot imagine killing someone else. Sure he wanted to be seen, he wanted to be known, who doesnt? Who doesnt want to be remembered? I can sort of grasp the wanting to take someone down with him frame of mind...but those were people's mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, grandparents. They were INNOCENT. It really frustrates me. Thinking it out in his mind would have been bad enough, but to have lived it out. It is really hard to believe.
Ok back to work for now.
